We’ve all heard it a million times. New Year, New You and Out with Old in with the New.
People make resolutions, and they are broken by the 15th, or in my favorite scenario the 2nd. We all have examples in our lives where we expect a magic to unfold between December 31st and January 1st that will right all the wrongs and give us access to a whole new version of ourselves. This has never sat comfortably with me as I desire to always be excited about the version of myself that exists in the moment it’s existing. This year it seemed to weigh heavier than ever before, and I've finally seen it's because I'm still exactly me, but not in full conscious alignment and awareness.
As the year began and I was thinking about getting back to work, about what I’d like to say, and how I was going to show up. I heard someone ask “How’s it feel now that we’re into the new year and we have a clean slate?” My immediate reaction was "oh no, that most certainly ain’t it." At the time I could only make a face, and I’m still sorting out what exactly “it” is, but I’ve become curious about - What happens if we are always striving to be the best versions of ourselves and not only on certain dates on the calendar? I can already hear a few people who I know read these posts saying “T, I want a date to take stock and reset”. First, I’ll share my thoughts on that.
If like two of my friends December 31st is your birthday then yep January 1st is absolutely a new year for you, and a great date to start your reset. On NYE do all the things, celebrate to the fullest and make it the biggest deal in the world.
After all, It’s the day of you, and you get to live it your way. To be fair, you can absolutely choose to live everyday this way, but the day of our births I feel deserve a little something extra. A lot of the people in my life have things about birthdays, and I’ll admit when I was younger I did too. I didn’t get what all the fuss was about, and didn’t understand the celebration of aging as at the time I viewed it as something scary. Now that I’ve done more of my work I’ve come to highly value birthdays.
My current fairly long-standing perspective is that they are the day a soul chose to come and join the rest of us. I think if you’re going to make a fuss about anything ever then this is certainly a thing to make fuss about. What could be better than a celebration of being alive and connected to our fellow humans? It’s an ideal time for taking stock, setting goals, and making commitments to ourselves. That’s how I use my birthday every year. My New Year’s Eve is the night before my birthday and my birthday is my new year. Yet, when I wake up the day after I never think - Fresh slate, new me. I don’t expect any alchemy to have unfolded where I wake up as a totally different being. More importantly, I’d be super sad if it were true.
When setting new commitments and goals I use the knowledge and wisdom of the life I’ve lived and lessons I’ve learned. Whether it’s something I want to achieve in my personal or professional life I can only be aware of those desires because of the time I’ve already spent being me. I am no fan of dwelling on the past or being enamored with what has been, but I do know there are learnings in all of our experiences and that’s not a slate I want wiped clean. This is what I think leaves so many of us feeling frustrated and let down when that calendar turns over.
If you, like me, reside somewhere where the first of the year is deep into winter an internal chill, much like what is reflected outside, might have set in. Short days and long nights with freezing temperatures might induce a feeling of wanting to hibernate. There may be a lasting feeling of having over indulged through the holiday celebrations, and want to use January as a reset and motivator against hibernation and to “get back on track.” I think we are searching for a reclamation of something that already existed within us, or permission to change and start something new and not to be someone new. Instead of a new us I think what is being sought is an improved or better us. Let’s check in with ourselves on how we got off track, and what would being on track feel like.
My off track feeling happened in early December. I was feeling a sense of burn out, and was longing for a break. It was shocking in my line of work and with my advocacy for self-care and awareness that once again I’d found myself wanting to retreat from the world around me. It wasn’t the cold outside, the company I was keeping, or the long nights. It was that once again I’d moved away from consciously checking in with the goals I’d set for myself and taking the time to be proactive about my desires. I was living life marking the passage of time, not by being grateful for where I was, or choosing where I was headed and aligning my days in service of getting there.
There was a sense that I was working too much, pushing too hard and generally going against my own internal guidance system. In the background of my awareness I knew that I had a two-week break coming up over the holidays, to rest and recharge, so I pushed through. Writing that now is cringe inducing. Seeing how I'd disconnected from myself and shrunk is where I got off track. If I had been living consciously and aligned there would not have been a need to 'rest and recharge', and I could have enjoyed a holiday break without feeling the need to try to cram in a year's worth of pleasure and excitement.
With this new understanding I think I get why NYE is so often a letdown, and why we have the overwhelming desire for that calendar to click over to give us a fresh start. If throughout the year we aren't celebrating, reveling and engaging with our pleasure outside of holidays and possibly our birthdays and anniversaries it's sensible that we'd want a time for that. It has become socially acceptable, and even expected for NYE to be when we do it. Pinning all our expectations of fun, freedom, and enjoyment on one night. It's no wonder that so many feel dissatisfied afterward. The immediate need to distance oneself from the previous year and start fresh is understandable, but maybe there is a better way.
I've started this year by not making a single resolution, getting back to work slowly, and feeling into what I really want. I'm starting each day with how I want to feel, and letting that dictate my actions. The intention I've set is to check in with myself and make sure that each decision I make is a conscious one, and aligned with my values. I've given a few decades to living the other way, and now it's time to try something new while still being me. I'm calling it the 'New Year, Still Me' practice.
If the idea intrigues you, here's a place to get started. Two questions:
How do I want to feel?
What is possible if I live with awareness of the lessons of my past, while choosing myself in the present, and deciding to consciously design my future?
This feels like a place of awareness of likes and dislikes, knowing what is wanted and how you want to feel, and where you want to go. It’s a chance to freely allow moments of celebration, rest, and pleasure whenever it feels right. There is downtime taken when it's needed, and times of productivity that really produce because they are inspired. I invite you to join me in this ‘New year, Still me’ practice and see what unfolds for you.
If you’re unsure where to begin, but this sounds right for your working with a coach can be an excellent start. Click over to the Connect page and send me a message for a free discovery call.
As always, I love hearing from you. Feel free to leave me a comment below.
Until next time, T xo